Who am I?
Recently, I’ve been pondering the question, “Who am I?” I think that it’s an utterly invaluable question to seek an answer to, because the answer(s) that we come up will drive us forward for our entire life. I am a person with so many passions in life that sometimes it’s difficult to figure out how to align my time and my energy.
In the midst of asking this question I have spent a great deal of time in introspection, and to be quite honest I’ve often found myself really confused with the myriad of answers that I come up with in my head. I am a husband, a father, a son, a friend, a teacher, a sales engineer, a computer geek, a lover of books, philosophy, history, literature and business.
As I have reflected on my past and my present and tried to consider for this next year what my future will be, I had come to a point in the past few days of feeling like throwing in the towel and saying, wherever the “road” leads me, I’ll follow. Thankfully though, I came upon a beautiful text in the Message translation of the ninth chapter of the gospel of Luke, where Jesus and his first disciples were engaged and I found myself brought into the story as well.
18′One time when Jesus was off praying by himself, his disciples nearby, he asked them, “What are the crowds saying about me, about who I am?”
19They said, “John the Baptizer. Others say Elijah. Still others say that one of the prophets from long ago has come back.”
20 -21He then asked, “And you—what are you saying about me? Who am I?”‘
When I first read this I laughed. I laughed, because I imagined being one of Jesus disciples and hearing him ask this question because of the implications that came to my mind. I then put myself into the shoes of Jesus and I imagined asking, “What do people say about me, about who I am?” I found it funny because I knew that if I were asking this question that my motivations would have been full of insecurity and neediness, and so I considered that maybe I was missing something here.
As I was reflecting on Jesus himself asking this question I continued to read on where he asks those closest to him, “Who am I?” Wow! Was Jesus insecure in this moment? Did he need a motivational speech from Peter or John? Maybe he needed a Stewart Smalley moment where he could stare lovingly into a mirror to convince himself that he was good enough, smart enough, and dog-gonnit people liked him? Had he had a difficult time with his recent miracles and healings, and was starting to doubt that any of it really happened? Was he trying to somehow determine what the miracles and healing meant to himself in terms of his own identity?
As I continued to read I found some clarity in what Jesus was doing by asking this question:
23 -27′Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?’
Jesus wasn’t asking this question for his own ego-centric needs, but for the needs of those following him. Jesus was articulating to his first followers that for them to answer the question “Who am I” for themselves that they had to pursue him.
He points out that he was the one that had to lead, not them. I love the part where this translation has Jesus saying, “Self-help is no help at all.” Then I reflected on my recent naval-gazing and realized, wow, I’m trying to once again answer the question “Who am I” with myself as the reference point. Jesus clearly wants us to see HIM as our reference point. Jean-Paul Sartre, the French existentialist philosopher once stated, “No finite point has meaning without an infinite reference point.”
As we consider the powerful emotion of fear in our discussions here, it’s key to understand that fear is intrinsically connected to who we are. It is deeply connected to not only how we view ourselves, but how we view others. I guess another way to think about this important point from Jesus is this. How do you THINK or FEEL that the following people answer the question of themselves: “Who am I?”
a. Yourself
b. A Muslim coworker
c. A Buddhist coworker
d. An agnostic or atheist friend
e. A Christian friend
To show you my cards, the thing that I’m really considering in light of this topic of fear is that I would go “all in” on the idea that most of us no matter what our religious affiliation, or philosophical views would be surprised and perhaps comforted to understand that we have a lot of similar fears related to the question “Who am I.”
The truth is that we are all seeking an answer to this question, and I think that one of the most compelling claims that Jesus makes is that the answer to this question for all of humanity cannot be answered outside of himself as the reference point. What thing or person are you pointed toward right now? Do you know? How is it impacting your life today, this week? If Jesus is the reference point for you, how does it change the way you answer, “Who am I?” in self reflection?
Please share your thoughts.
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